Progress

A photographer from the Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep organization took photos of Griffin and we just received a CD of the images the other day. I am so grateful for those photos, and for the photographer who donated her time and talent so that we could have them.

The photo of Marlo above was taken by Mark's sister Amy at his funeral. It's so dreamlike, so like that day. My head swims in the memory sometimes, knowing it's real but hardly able to believe it to be true.

I have come close to posting other pictures, but they're just too personal. Too much to see if one is not prepared, I would think, although I can't get enough of them.



My aunt Sharon came by when she was in town a couple weeks ago. We had a really good conversation. Aunt Sharon is honest, but not brutally so. I mean she never filters her feelings, but it's of no consequence because what she says is the truth and comes with great wisdom. I really appreciate that about her.

Her mother passed away a year ago. She was telling me how hard it was. How she knew that her mother was better off because she was no longer suffering, that it was her time, but that it's so hard to let go. I've heard that said so many times, but just hearing it from Aunt Sharon, it just really struck me.

Why is it so hard? Why is it so hard to let go, even though you know they're at peace, even though you'll be together again for eternity?

Because we love each other so much.

That may be the greatest realization of my life.

The pain of losing Griffin, the great gaping hole in me...it is there because I love him so much. It sounds so simple, but sometimes grief just focuses on the hurt and the loss, not the reason for its magnitude. And lately when that sadness hits me hard, I actually can stop and concentrate on why it hurts: because I love him so much. Then I take that love like gauze and I pack into the wound. It's still there, but at that moment, it stings a little less.