Griffin's due date

Today was really doomsday for me. I'd thought about it so much in the first four months of my pregnancy, of going through delivery, of changing diapers and being up all night, nursing a baby, two carseats in the the rearview mirror of my car...
I really, really wanted Griffin. And I still do.

When we lost him four months ago, I was in a really bad place. Saying goodbye to him was undoubtedly the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and I was really in a state of shock. I think I had to be just to get through it all, if that makes any sense.
But when I look back on the day he was born, as hard as it was, I have good memories because we held him and took pictures with him, and our parents and Lane were there with us. When I think of his funeral, it gives me strength remembering all our family being there.
So rather than today being a day of complete sadness, I thought we'd have a little party to look back on. Start a happy tradition, so that I wouldn't dread this day every year.
So Mark and Marlo and I went to Griffin's grave, with balloons and whistles and bubbles and party hats. We sang "happy birthday" and let a balloon up into the sky for him.

And I'm really, really glad we did. I think it was a smashing success.