Wednesday, October 29, 2008

My dad

This is one of my favorite pictures of him.

He died in the early morning on Thursday, October 23rd, just 13 days after his diagnosis. I had just gotten home to San Diego the night before, so I wasn't there with him when he passed.

But I got to spend twelve days with him, to tell him I love him and that everything was ok between us. I even made him laugh a few times (and he did me). I got to help take care of him, give him meds and fluids, dress him and hygeine stuff...all the while just in shock, just thinking we are all too young for this. But I think he felt the tenderness there, a last way to share love even when he could not speak.

But we knew it would happen, Dad especially. He had many close calls and warnings that he just didn't heed. I can't have regrets or remorse because it was his life, and my only hope is that he lived it the way he wanted to.

I'm glad everyone got to see him, even my mom and his ex wife from Montana. My brother took him out to play poker one last time. Amy had someone come to the house and give him a pedicure. I'd like to think he enjoyed all of that attention.

We tried our best to keep him out of pain, and I'm grateful that his suffering was short. He was such a character and I will miss him. I hope that he has finally found peace, the peace he could never get to here.

I love you, Dad.


Anonymous kelly said...

I'm so sorry for your family's loss, but so happy you all got to see him and say good-bye. I love you.

10/30/2008 8:18 AM  
Blogger amy said...

You are so sweet Erin! Im very sorry for your loss!

10/30/2008 8:49 AM  
Blogger Mary said...

I'm sure your Father loved having all of you around him. You are much too young for this...I'm so sorry. I love you.

10/30/2008 11:29 AM  
Blogger stanfordfam said...

I am so sorry. i hope that you can take comfort in knowing that you did the right thing....just by being there when he needed you most and that you left nothing unsaid. I know that you have a heavy heart. I wish I could take away your pain. Know that you are loved.

10/30/2008 3:08 PM  
Blogger Auntie Ann said...

Im so sorry Erin...Im so glad that you could be with your Dad in the end, Im sure that made him happier than anything else in this world could have. Im thinking about you and your family!

10/31/2008 9:49 AM  
Blogger Amy said...

i am so sorry for your loss erin.

my thoughts are with you and i love you.

10/31/2008 1:53 PM  
Blogger Christmas Queen said...

That is a great picture of Dan. He looks healthy and happy. I pray for peace and comfort to you and your family. We love you. You are sure a blessing to our family!

10/31/2008 9:51 PM  
Blogger amy said...

Erin My prayers are with you.

11/02/2008 12:55 AM  
Anonymous lisa doshier said...

sorry to hear about your lose. you are in my thoughts.

11/02/2008 10:09 PM  
Anonymous lisa doshier said...

um, i meant loss... where's the damn edit button? oh, and i love the picture of your dad!

11/02/2008 10:11 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

My heart is with you. I know I don't know you, but this must be painful...we'll keep you in our prayers.

11/04/2008 11:50 PM  

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