Last Monday...

Mark and I went to a memorial service for Griffin and other babies lost to families in the care of Sharp Mary Birch Hospital. They have a service twice a year for not just families new to loss, but for anyone wanting to remember their baby. Everytime we drive the 45 minutes (without traffic) to that hospital, I think "How would I ever make it here to deliver?" But I would never change because of the care and respect that they've shown me, not only with Griffin, but from way back when Marlo was born.
I didn't know at all what to expect.
It was in a large meeting room (the same room where we took a birthing class) and there were about 40 people there. That was sad in itself, just the number of people. Some had brought photos, some knew each other. There were refreshements and a woman was playing the harp.
So we wrote Griffin's name on two ribbons, one was attached to the wreath that you see above, another to a candle. Then as each baby's name was called, the parents went up and lit the candle and placed it into a big bowl of sand. Sharp employees even lit candles for babies whose families could not be there. So it ended up looking like a big birthday cake, although all those babies lost is nothing to celebrate.
One woman had 2 candles.
The head of the social work program spoke, her message about hope was beautiful. One father talked about his daughter and how she-and all of our babies-were peaceful reflections of God. A grandmother read a poem that she wrote called Bittersweet Twins, about seeing the milestones of her grandson that lived, and never getting to see those of his brother that died. A young couple read from a journal in which the mother had written to their baby. They read the from the last day of life, and the day they found out that their baby had died.
All in all, it was a very sad thing.
From the beginning of all of this, I just wanted to take the pain and jam it into a little box, forbid it from spreading out to anyone else. But it doesn't work like that, I know. And although it saddened me to see all those other people who'd lost their babies, it was much important to remember them together.