The last day I saw my sister...

Amy and Josh came over yesterday for dinner and then stayed the night. They left this morning to do the last bit of cleaning at their house. Then they leave early tomorrow morning for Texas. They're going to drive about ten hours, get a hotel, then wake up and drive another ten hours, get another hotel, and then wake up and drive about 5 hours and be in Austin.

That's how far away it is.

When we hugged goodbye this morning, I tried to pretend it was our normal parting and that I'd see her in a few days. Because I don't want her to be sad, I don't want her to go with this big cloud of sadness following her. I want her to be happy and hopeful for what lies ahead of her because it will be challenging enough to start over in a new place.

As much as I'd like her to be by my side forever, I want what's best for her and Josh. I just can't stop thinking about the distance. All of our time together now will be monumental, with planning and packing and planes. And I don't even know when I'll see her next.

And don't even get me started on when she has kids. Not being there through her whole pregnancy, to watch her belly grow? Hoping to make it to the delivery room in time? And birthdays, and holidays...will they just be phone calls?

These are the things that keep me up at night, the constant lump in my throat. They are all a bunch of what-ifs, of what I'm afraid might happen. And I know how selfish this all sounds, believe me. I know that Amy's move to Texas is much bigger than all of this, and that it really doesn't have anything to do with me. She will always be my sister.

She'll just be my sister in Texas.